Myths, Facts and Fiction - the Truth About Our Cruise Ships
Dallas Sherringham takes at look at Tall Tales & True on board ships
MYTH: Cruise ships have professional ‘escorts’ for the crew
This one appears from time to time but is less prevalent than it used to be. The truth is, most crew members are married and have children at home. They are working on the ships to give their family a better opportunity in Third World countries. MYTH: Lovers ‘have it off’ in the lifeboats Have you seen how high the lifeboats are above the Promenade decks on ships? By the time you climbed up there you wouldn’t enough energy for anything else. However there is sliver of truth in this. On the old ships like Fairstar the lifeboats were accessible along the Promenade deck which made them easily accessible. FACT: There once was a mythical bar called ‘The Animal Bar’ The infamous Animal Bar was a rowdy feature of Fairstar, the Funship. The place pounded along all day and well into night with the mainly male crowd and a few boisterous ladies quaffing down large amounts of beer. The noise and the smells emanating from the bar as you passed by were, shall we say, unique! At the end of the night, the crew would hose it out. True! MOSTLY MYTH: Spas on ships are the location for mass orgies late at night A group of travel writers including myself decided to explore this well known story on a ship. We assembled at the appointed place at the advertised midnight hour and sat boiling away for more than an hour. Not a soul appeared. We repeated the exercise a couple of times to no avail. However it is a fact that people do arrange to meet at spas, if they are open. On most ships these days, they are covered at night by a net. FACT: Couples are more amorous on board a cruise ship Maybe it’s the gentle rolling of the ship, maybe it’s the wine, but couples have more intimate moments on a cruise ship than at home. If you go to the Popular Husband and Wife show on board most ships you get the sense that the place is a rabbit warren on water. The premise is that the husbands are asked a series of questions while the wives are in a place out of earshot, When they return they answer the same questions. The results are often hilarious. Like the couple from Dubbo when asked the most unusual place they made love? - and the answer was a tractor! However, there is one particular question that has the place roaring with laughter. When was the last time you made love? Invariably the answers range from ‘last night’, to ‘this morning’ to ’10 minutes ago’ FACT: Couples find the most unusual places on board to make love On the stage, behind the stage, public washrooms, corridors, lifts, stairs, the top deck at night, in the darker parts of nightclubs, the top deck of the theatre…you name it, they’ve found it. The problems for the lovers is that cruise ships now have security cameras covering every area, so smile…you’re being recorded. If security decide to act, it is easy to match up faces with shipboard face files using A.I. FACT: Swingers groups are active on board every cruise This is a social media phenomenon featuring the infamous upside down pineapple on the cabin door. If you see this symbol while wandering down the corridor it ‘may’ mean the couple inside enjoy the swinging lifestyle. This doesn’t mean everyone wearing a pineapple T-shirt, pineapple style jewelry or simply eating a pineapple is ‘into it’. My advice is to proceed with caution if you sight a pineapple in a prone position and maybe share a drink first. MYTH: The ship’s officers are available to any amount of ladies While it is true that some cruise lines allow amorous ties between the officers and passengers, on most ships these days, officers tend to be extremely discrete if they do strike a ‘friendship’. There is much ‘tut tutting’ amongst conservative older passengers should an officer display a liking for the ladies. MYTH: The captain can marry you and your newfound love if you ask nicely The captain can meet the request for a marriage service on board without notice, but it won’t be legal. To get married on board and for it to be legal, you have to apply before boarding in order to get the correct paperwork. FACT: Escorts do work on cruise ships This is a real ‘no no’ but it does happen from time to time. I was on board a cruise out of Sydney when the rumors began to swirl around a certain young ‘lady’ who was seen with inordinate amount of male companions heading for her cabin. Apparently she decided it was an easy way to pay for the trip. She was put off at Noumea, the first port of call. |
It virtually impossible to climb into the lifeboats on a modern ship
Swinging happens on every cruise
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